The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize