would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
