Whod you bang
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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