and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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