Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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