There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
