i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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