what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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