I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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