he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize