I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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