Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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