TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
