Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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