are you still at the devil's house?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
