I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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