I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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