He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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