She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
