Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
