I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
