Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
