I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
