So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
