come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
