Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
