Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
