Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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