You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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