yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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