she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Say something about gay babies.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
