Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
