Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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