I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
