Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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