She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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