Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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