I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
