no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
