Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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