Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
