I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
