we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
