Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
