so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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