Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize