I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize