If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
