I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
