I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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