my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
