bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
