Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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