Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
