I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
