Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
