i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
