Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize