The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
