my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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