Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
