He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
