Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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