Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
