was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
