Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize