see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
