So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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