Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
His hands were made for my vagina.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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