so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
