Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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