i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i love accidental penises.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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