Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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