I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
