We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
