Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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