I'm eating all of the evidence.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize