OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
