Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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