My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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