Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
