Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
