Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
