I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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