get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
zippers are such a cool invention
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
try to milk me bitch
Randomize