i just made my gag reflex go away.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
