after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
