Is it normal to miss your booty call?
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
