Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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