It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
