True but thats because hes a fetus.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
