need another drink. this is the easiest way
I cockslap morals
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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