I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
