Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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