I should be sponsored by Trojan
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
