I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
