I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
