currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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