are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
