It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
