I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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