He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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