i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
