his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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