I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize