This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
