i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
