we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
