You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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