I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
