The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
